So far today is not starting off well. I’m tired and grumpy, and today was The Boy’s first full day in a pre-Kindergarten class at daycare. He did not go willingly. When I left I could still hear his petulant “no’s” down the hallway. He was up pretty late last night (we could hear him rustling around in his room, and also coughing) so I shouldn’t be surprised that it didn’t go well. I’ve just never seen him act so attached to a particular daycare class. Though The Husband has born the brunt of that, since he predominantly has performed drop-offs up until a few months ago when his work schedule changed and I had to take over the task a few days a week.
It about broke my heart, but also made me feel even grumpier. And I’ve been wondering about this. Why haven’t we figured out a way for me to stay home with the kids? It is not that we haven’t tried. We tried for a year to sell our house so we could move somewhere cheaper. We tried to work out a deal for me to work part time for my mom and job-share with my sister. Obviously neither of those things panned out. So what it comes down to is this: I believe that things always work out for the best. And what bothers me about this particular “best” is that if I choose to believe that, then by extension I have to believe that I am not what is best for my kids, or maybe they are not what is best for me.
And that bothers me. A LOT.
So WTF. Should I change my whole life philosophy or believe that somehow I would have scarred our children for life? Do I extend this into some quirky alternate reality in which some hideous accident, like tripping over a toy, falling on a kid and maiming them for life was avoided by the universe’s plot to keep me programming machines?
Enough of that depressing talk. I love my kids enormously. I have this fierce mother-lion thing about them. I guess I just have to assume someone up there knows the score better than me.
NeonApple has inspired me to create my own crafty Olympic event. She has joined up with the Knitting Olympics. I have created the Quilt Block Olympics. I have undertaken the task of hand-sewing an entire block for The Boy’s night train quilt. Yes, I know. The Girl’s quilt is not done. But I cannot work on hers in front of the television. I am probably setting myself up for enormous failure on The Girl’s quilt. But I cannot resist the Olympic challenge.
And…I may actually finish that quilt block tonight. I’m pretty darn close. I’ve finished all the detail work and all that remains is assembly of small blocks into a bigger block. Then maybe I will drag the sewing machine into the living room regardless of noise and discomfort and try to finish The Girl’s quilt top before the end of the Olympics as well.
PLUS – working on the hand-sewn pieces gets me started for the March Tuesday night quilter club at the local quilt shop. Cool.